In a stunning candid disclosure an American police officer’s daily journal was discovered, and his routine will shock you! Shock. You. What follows are the lurid details:
6 am – Wake up, shower, dress, badass posing in mirror with gun.
7 – Morning meeting at station – Tell stories to other cops about how stupid the populace is.
8 – Jack off in patrol car.
10 – Stakeout Asian massage parlor for prostitution by getting a massage on taxpayer dime, see if I can get a happy ending, if I get to completion – arrest.
11 – Chipotle.
12 – Respond to burglary phoned in an hour ago.
1 – Bullshit with Joe while parked in median facing in different directions.
2 – Practice condescension.
3 – Pull over some know nothing cunt of a housewife for a minor traffic infraction that I know full well only serves as an unreasonable fine, but makes condescension practice worthwhile when they grovel. I love the part where they tell me about their shitty lives in hopes of mercy, and gives me a chance to say “Ma’am maybe you should have thought about those problems before endangering everyone’s lives by driving 15 mph over the speed limit. And I don’t have time to listen to everyone’s excuses for breaking the law.”
3:30 – Chipotle.
4 – Daily unreasonable search – Pat down black and brown people, gives an opportunity to say “Well well look what I found”, get to use stun gun and take someone’s dignity by pushing their face into the cement while I scream “Stop resisting!”
5 – Jack off in patrol car.
6 – Help SWAT team with breaking into someone’s home and seizing property from poor people.
6:30 – Roids, workout, suck off officer Benson’s cock in the locker room.
8 pm- midnight – Go home to wife and kids and self righteously pretend to be noble and overworked. Tout how I’m the victim forced to deal with the bile of society and subjected to endless paperwork. Then as I lay my drug addled head down for another night’s rest I silently revel in knowing I have psychopathic tendencies and I enjoy the fuck out of my job. Society unwittingly gave me the perfect career to live out all of my perverse power hungry fantasies and all it took was a little bigoted fear mongering to get them to buy in. Maybe someday they’ll figure out I’m the real threat, but until then, I get to run around torturing people for profit. Damn, It Feels Good To Be A Gangsta.